“Cutting pain was a different flavor of hurt. It made it easier not to think about having my body and my family and my life stolen, made it easier not to care… -Wintergirls”
Cutting was a horrible habit I picked up 4 years ago when I was in 7th grade. It got so bad it turned into an addiction and whenever I don’t cut, I shake. And I shake bad. I cut out of anger, depresion, anxiety… But mainly to feel alive when I feel numb. But even though it’s relieving, I hate it. I hate hurting myself. Not only do I hate hurting myself, but I hate hurting others. I’ve hurt my family, my boyfriend, my close friend.. if only I wasn’t so damn impulsive. The people who are closest to me have told me to stop cutting right away..to just end the nasty and miserable habit. But they don’t know what it’s like to just stop cold turkey. For months now, I’ve tried so hard to stop. And one day.. one day I know I will. I WILL overcome this. I won’t hurt as much one day. I’ll think more positively. I’ll rid the bad voices in my head. I won’t rely on the past. I won’t even think of my past. I’m living in the present and I must focus on the future. Right now, I don’t believe there is a meaning to life. But hopefully one day soon I will realize that maybe there is and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what the meaning is. These suicidal thoughts just need to go away…. 24 hours recovered and still going. Hopefully I make it without giving in!